The Seasoned Observer
The straws that shape our lives
By J. G. Fabiano
I was talking to a colleague the other day about how the great floods of 2006, changed what many of us had planned to do. He was quite upset and had every right to be discouraged. He just bought a house on the seacoast and had invested a lot of money finishing off his basement. He kept on repeating he never had any water in his basement before and it did little to tell him that what we all just suffered through was not an ordinary storm.He finished his conversation with me by stating the storm may have been the final straw that broke his back. It was time, he told me, to head either to the southwest or simply south. I wanted to tell him about the immigration problems and hurricanes but thought it best to keep my mouth shut. Driving home I started to think about what these straws were that perpetually fell on everyone's back.
When you first visit this life of ours you have few if any straws on your back. I guess one could say you just got rid of a beauty of a straw by being successfully born.
Another straw one needs is the presence of one's mother. Didn't she sign some sort of contract before I was born promising to be there at all times. I don't think I would have agreed to this cradle thing or the concept of a mother having to do something as foolish as sleep. I did get used to this but I didn't like it. So early childhood is defined as a straw.
After awhile the straws stop finding you and it becomes time to search for straws. One of the first straws is a love for your mother. As you know, with love comes responsibility. A love for your father usually comes next but this order is sometimes turned around. If one is unfortunate enough to have brothers and sisters; this reality produces many straws that have a tendency to produce weight on your back. If you are a first child this is OK because being first always makes you special. But, if you are unlucky enough to be a second child you spend your entire life trying to be as good as your older brother or sister. This straw feels like a 2 x 4 because it sometimes leads to a bit of a rebellion that allows you to put some of the straws back on the backs of your family.
Throughout one's young life one is looking for straws in order to show his or her importance. By the time you reach young adulthood one's back is carrying multiple straws with little effect on both the body and the psyche. It is almost as if one is proud of the many straws that are attached to one's back. Your own family comes and more straws are happily added because the child becomes the mother and the young man becomes the father. Just watch out for that second child.
In my life I decided to become a teacher. I don't even think this was my decision because I believe I was born to be a teacher. I don't know why. It must be one of those straws. Being a teacher I have a tendency to want to add even more straws to my back. I want to show my students how important it is to take responsibility. I want to be the role model who shows my students how these straws can both strengthen your back and protect you from harm. Some of them actually listen to me while others are still trying to figure out why I would want to be a teacher.
Sometimes the straws become a bit heavy. You start looking for ways of shedding off the things you worked your whole life to obtain. Maybe our backs become a bit tired. Maybe our focus becomes blurred due to extraneous activities that have nothing to do with what we wanted our life to represent. Maybe we are just getting too old to care.
The older we get the more straws we want to eliminate. Children become independent and sometimes loved ones simply go away. Professions become stale and remembering who you are and what you were meant to do is not easy to figure out anymore. You start to understand that the fewer straws on your back the shorter time you have in your life. If one actually gets what one wishes and has few to no straws on their back; loneliness has a tendency to creep in. This is one of the great ironies in life. For most of your life you work to become important and secure. Then after you attain this you want to eliminate it because it becomes too hard to maintain. For family, friends, colleagues, and even enemies are the real straws on all of our backs.
I have a vision of my future that scares the hell out of me. I will be straw less in some sort of a cutesy named nursing home sitting by myself probably attempting to find my toes, fingers, and earlobe. It kind of reminds me of how we all started in life. But, this won't be the beginning when one looks for straws. This will be the end when there are no straws to be found.
People have asked which heavy straws I recommend be removed. The only reason I think they ask me is I am old and gray. Or is it more like gray and old? This is a personal decision one can only make for you. I am sure as hell no expert. Look at all the straws I have broken on my back. Look at all the straws that fell off my back or simply got lost. But, there are good straws that represent who you are. But, do me a favor. Never eliminate that straw on your back that has anything to do with me.
Jim Fabiano is a teacher and writer living in York, Maine
Maine Publisher's Association Best weekly column award for 2004
Email Jim: yorkmarine@yahoo.com
