"POLITICS AND OTHER MISTAKES"
The letting go
By Al Diamon
According to alarmists, everybody under 30 with an IQ higher than their age is leaving Maine. If nothing is done, cry the Cassandras, the state's population will soon consist entirely of geezers and morons.On the bright side, the Legislature will finally reflect the electorate.
This demographic shift to geriatric and gibbering may already be at an advanced stage. Just the other day, I spotted this bit of graffiti in the men's room of one of my favorite bars: "Why are murders in Maine so hard to solve? Because the DNA is all the same and the dental records do not exist."
I can pretty much guess which legislators this guy ran into.
But back to the issue at hand. Which, I see by re-reading the start of this column, seems to be about young people leaving Maine. I'm not clear as to why this is a problem. Twenty-somethings have been scuttling across the state line in significant numbers since sometime before the Civil War (the American one, not the thing in Iraq). And for nearly as long, politicians have been predicting this exodus would result in the decline of our state into an asylum suitable only for the geezie and moronic. That hasn't happened.
Outside of the State House.
And, possibly, Portland City Hall.
It's true the median age in Maine has increased from just under 39 years old in 2000 to a little over 41 in 2004, while the percentage of children under nine has declined by about 10 percent. But most people in their 40s could hardly be considered geezers, and kids under nine are universally recognized as being expensive and annoying.
Even more important is U.S. Census data showing the state gaining population. For every hotshot college grad who hits the road for Boston, New York or Kuala Lumpur, Maine is attracting a couple of successful mid-lifers or well-to-do retirees. That's resulted in a net gain of more than 8,100 people in the first four years of this decade and placed the state fifth in the nation (just behind Nevada, Arizona, Florida and Idaho) in attracting in-migrants as a percentage of population.
(OK, I admit that last statistic doesn't make any more sense than Gov. Baldacci's budget.)
In addition, we now have a new report from the University of Maine's Office of Institutional Studies (motto: Keeping An Eye On The Asylum Full Of Geezers And Morons), which seems to show that the so-called "brain drain" is barely a splatter of gray matter. The office surveyed UMaine grads from 2004 and 2005 and found that (deep breath) nearly 74 percent of them were employed full time, and of that group about two-thirds lived and worked in Maine, although the chances they remained in the state after school were significantly better if they were from here in the first place. All of which boils down to the fact that about 50 percent of the students who got degrees from the Orono campus decided to stay in Maine and found jobs.
This appears to be one of those glass-half-empty-glass-half-full debates that are so beloved by morons (the Portland Press Herald: "a sobering arithmetic … nothing to cheer about") and geezers (the Bangor Daily News: "a good sign for a state concerned with growing its economy").
It also calls into question whether there's any need for the initiative being pushed by a group called Opportunity Maine (motto: If Your IQ Is Higher Than Your Age, There's An Opportunity In Maine To Take Advantage Of Geezers And Morons) to provide tax credits to college graduates who agree to remain in the state. The publicly funded credits, worth as much as $21,000 per grad, would help them pay off their education loans. The cost would be covered by higher taxes on those workers who somehow get by without the benefit of a taxpayer-subsidized higher education.
It probably won't surprise you to learn that Opportunity Maine is mostly made up of people who are about to graduate from college and will soon have to start paying off substantial debts.
In her book "Setting the Maine Course: We Can Get There From Here," former independent gubernatorial candidate Barbara Merrill (motto: Gone. Also, Forgotten) wrote, "We shouldn't be expecting to fashion policies that keep everybody here. We should be looking to make Maine a highly desirable place to live and work for about two million folks, with the skills and values to create tomorrow's jobs and guide tomorrow's communities."
Oddly enough, in spite of governmental ineptness, that seems to be happening. Which is not to say a little eptness from Augusta might not improve the process. Although, come to think of it, probably not.
Still, it would be helpful if state government, as well as the geezers and morons who make up the electorate, didn't impede the process of attracting desirable immigrants by handing out tax breaks to young people who don't need them and who'd probably benefit from spending a few years as far away from their parents as possible.
They can come back when they're old and stupid.
Comments from here and afar can be e-mailed to me at ishmaelia@gwi.net.
