THE SEASONED OBSERVER
She took my breath away
By J. G. Fabiano
Jim Fabiano
I paced, looking at the old prints on the walls that showed what the inn looked like a century ago. Peering into the washed gray of the photo I could see little change. The chandeliers that hung from the ceiling still looked like stars in the sky and the people who wandered through the rooms still looked as though they enjoyed where they were.
I, on the other hand, had a problem. I just couldn't figure out how I could say goodbye to incredibly bright eyes. I guess I was suffering through what every father suffers through before they give their daughters away to someone else.
Walking back into the lobby of the inn I saw many people who knew exactly why they were there and what they had to do. They were all remarkably dressed in dark suits and fancy dresses that were probably purchased to be displayed on this very day. I saw people I had known all my life. Few came up to me because they thought I was too busy to take the time to say hello. Maybe it was because of the look on my face trying to figure out how I was going to say goodbye to a true and comforting spirit? They probably thought I needed time to figure this age-old problem out.
Standing in the center of the room where fresh pastries sat on a silver plate for people to pick at if they were too busy getting ready for the festivities and had little time to eat, I started to stare into the faces of the other people in the room. As I stated before, there were some people there I had known for all of my life. Then I started watching people I had only known for most of my life. These were my adult acquaintances I have known as far back as my memory allows me to travel. They included both friends and family. None came up to me and few even allowed our eyes to cross. They all knew I had something I had to figure out.
How does one say goodbye to an unconditional trust? Walking away from the treats that sat on a shiny silver tray I walked into a room inside the room where three overstuffed couches stood. In front of the couches was an antique table overflowing with both local and national newspapers. For a second, I thought of grabbing a piece of one of them, but then I noticed the couches were filled with people I knew only some of my life. Most were recent acquaintances but some were from a time where I wasn't who I am today. These were aunts, uncles and friends of the family I only remember because my mind allows me to do so. Some looked up but quickly looked back down toward their laps because they must have known I had to figure out how I was going to say goodbye to a remarkably happy soul.
I then escaped into a small hallway that led out to a few offices and one large room where it seemed everyone was gathering. Walking through the lobby I walked through people I did not know. I assumed they were here for the wedding and some nodded their heads as I walked by. They knew I had something to do with the festivities because of the tuxedo I was wearing. I noticed light flashes at the end of the hall and because I am naturally curious I was drawn to see what they were. Walking down the small hallway that two people would have a difficult time traveling at the same time, I surrounded myself with people who were my life. We said few words because they must have known I had to figure out and figure out soon how I was going to say goodbye to a past that made me fly?
Wandering in front of a small room filled with people excited about what was about to happen I dared not walk in because I was afraid. Instead I pushed my head around the door and looked at someone I have known for her whole life. She took my breath away. I think this was the first time in my life I understood what a soul was. Our eyes met for a second and then I withdrew knowing there was no way I could handle what was happening deep inside me.
Within a blink of an eye I had my daughter on my arm as we were waiting our turn to walk toward the sea where her marriage would begin. As we were walking toward the people I have known for most of my life, the people I have known for some of my life and the people I did not know, my mind spun wondering how I was going to say goodbye to a life who defined my own.
Standing in front of the friend who was performing the ceremony and standing beside the man who was about to take my place as the center of my daughter's life, I finally figured out how I was to say goodbye. I now knew the answer was simple. It's been that way forever. You say goodbye by saying hello to another who makes her whole.
Jim Fabiano, a teacher and writer who lives in York, is a past recipient of the Maine Press Association's award for Best Weekly Column. E-mail
Jim at yorkmarine@yahoo.com.
