Local Columns - Senior Lines
Two dolts in the supermarket
By Rose Safran
"What is her name?" I kept asking myself as I was chatting with a familiar face in the supermarket. I could recall who she was, knew approximately where she lived and could name the organization through which I'd met her. But her name refused, absolutely refused, to leave the gray matter encased within my skull and make itself known.Well, we had our small chit-chat about winter weather, recent vacationing and looking forward to spring, after which we both moved on to complete our shopping. Then, a few aisles later, in the cereal department, I again noticed the same unnamed woman. She was having a long and lively, "old-friends" style conversation with a white-haired pleasant-looking woman in a red parka. Their casual meeting appearing finished, they parted, heading for different departments.
I found myself moving my cart in the direction of the pleasant-looking woman in the red parka.
"Excuse me," I said, bringing my shopping cart near hers, "I had a conversation with the woman with whom you were just talking and seemed to know well. I simply can't remember her name and it is driving me mad. I wonder if you would tell me her name?"
"I'd tell you if I knew," came the swift laughter-filled answer. "I knew her. She knew me. I've seen her before many times. I know I know her. But I can't remember her name, either. I just can't."
Still laughing, she continued, "It's particularly embarrassing because I had been greeted with a 'hello' and she knew my first name."
I joined her with more laughter.
Two hours later, while relating the amusing incident to a senior friend, an octogenarian, the elusive name popped up. "Oh, yes, of course," I thought, welcoming the entry into the more alert quarters of my brain.
So what is it?
Rusty pipes? Pathways that don't work properly? Connections that are slower? Overloaded wires? Limited storage capacity? An overflowing reservoir? Dwindling reserve? Gradual decline? Something serious? And, importantly, did it also happen years ago? Has there been a change?
A few observations.
When we are young, we live in a "daily" kind of world. We go to school and greet the same classmates, play with them on a regular basis. Sometimes for years. Names are very much a part of that early universe of "daily repeats." In middle years, we are also part of a universe of "daily repeats", a different one, but one that frequently reinforces names either through family, neighborhood, work or associations and clubs which we attend daily or fairly regularly.
As we age, the "regularity" of such socialization tends to dwindle. Yes, we do have repeat associations such as with next door neighbors, people in our buildings, committee members at regularly-attended meetings and family members - and such names are generally very immediate and usually pose few problems.
However, many seniors, although active, do not have a "daily repeat" program of activities. Some seniors go to health clubs where the mix of people keeps changing, and where they may or may not learn the names of a handful of people whom they probably see only on occasion. Too, other seniors join groups with changing associations and memberships. Faces and names aren't always connected in such groups. And there is generally little opportunity for reinforcement.
So, there is this "other" world - one of acquaintances and infrequent encounters, such as the one in the supermarket. This is especially prevalent in a community with so many snowbirds, seasonal residents and week-end visitors. There are countless introductions, and names immediately mentioned. However, daily reinforcement can be lacking. The name gets tucked away somewhere, is never filed or filed incorrectly, and forgotten.
Beyond this observation, which is certainly not scientific, I believe that there are people who make an effort to learn names. And there are those who are not so inclined. The former have an advantage as they age; the latter are somewhat disadvantaged as a skill not acquired young can become especially difficult to acquire in later life. Learning ability does not improve with age; greater effort is required. Repetition is more necessary. Yet, life patterns of oldsters differ from those of the young, or middle-aged; senior lifestyles don't tend to provide consistent opportunities for reinforcement.
In attempting to connect senior name memory lapses with learning pattern habits, researchers would probably devise a ten-point rating scale and ask such questions as, "Do you make an effort to learn a person's name when introduced" scoring with an "Always" at one end and "Never" at the other. Or, "How important do you think it is to learn a person's name when you are introduced?" with another 10-point rating scale with "Very Important" at one end of the scale and "Not at all important," at the other.
Subsequently, further research in name recall ability would probably follow with the result that such research might yield a bell-shaped curve with name recall wizards on one side and name recall dolts on the other end. The researchers' advice to this dolt in the supermarket who hopes to improve her name recall ability would probably approximate a version of the salesman's motto: "first I tells 'em, then I tells 'em again, and then I tells 'em what I told 'em."
